Babygate 2012

The dust has settled.  The body count has been taken.  And now I feel like I can write about what happened without getting all emotional and whatnot.

So my mom calls me Monday morning as I was driving to work.  She’s been having baby call me every day, so I answered the phone all happy expecting to hear my girl’s voice on the other end.  Instead it was my mom’s sleepy voice on the other end.  She said hello and that she wanted to let me know that they had stayed late at her sister’s house the night before and Regan had fallen asleep.  Rather than wake her, they put her in my cousin’s bed and my mom went home.  She said she was going to go back over there before she woke up.

*pause for dramatic effect*

Y’all, I almost drove off the monkeyfighting road.  I was incensed!  She left my baby at another person’s house in another town?!?  I was so stunned I couldn’t even say anything. 

“Are you there?” she asked.

I told her I had to call her back.  I figured cussing out my momma was not a good way to start off a Monday.  I did some breathing exercises and called her back about ten minutes later.  I was not any happier and I let her know.

She was clearly lying when she said she was going over there before baby woke up.  Number one, Regan is up before 8am every day and my mom didn’t call me until 815.  Second, she was still in the monkeyfighting bed.  Lastly, she lives 30 minutes away!!!

When I agreed to let Regan stay with her for a week, I agreed to let Regan stay with HER.  Not at someone else’s house.  I understand that it got late and baby fell asleep.  I even understand that they thought it best to leave her undisturbed.  But what I do not understand it why my mother thought it was okay to just go on home.  She should have spent the night, too.

Moreover, before making such a decision, she should have called the child’s mother.  I couldn’t believe (and still don’t) that it didn’t occur to her to run that past me.  All I could think about was that my child, who sleeps like a wild animal, would fall out of the high twin bed she was sleeping in and hit the hardwood floors.  I pictured her wandering out of the bedroom into unfamiliar space and falling down the stairs.  The house is three stories high!

Neither my mom nor my aunt agree with me.  Well of course they don’t, they were in the wrong.  My mom got all extra dramatic and was giving me her very best Erica Kane by telling me that I had ruined her day by being upset and that I had put a dark cloud over the weekend.

*eyeroll*

I really couldn’t care less that she was upset.  You don’t leave someone’s child in another town without checking with them first.  You just don’t do that.

Suffice to say, mom is getting the side eye of the century.  She will likely not be taking Regan away again for a very long time.

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24 Responses to Babygate 2012

  1. I can’t really ride with your mom on something like this at all. I really feel she should have bundled up Regs and brought her on home OR bunked with her at her sister’s house. If my mom has done something like that, I would have been pissed and highly angered. #TeamBabs

  2. Innerdiva says:

    Wow. I can totally understand why you’re upset. Even if it’s her sister, I can’t see why your mom would leave Reagan there. I would think she’d stay the night as well. And if they disturbed her sleep enough to carry her to the bed, couldn’t they just disturb her a bit more and put her in the car?

  3. laughing808 says:

    oh dang……..Yeah, um…..I’m inclined to agree with you. At the very least she should have called you and let you know that she was leaving the little one someplace else.

  4. Gladys says:

    I’m with you all the way on this one. #nodshead

  5. Petite Pearl says:

    I see why you’re angry. My son spends time at my parent’s home (about 2 hours away) a few times a year so I tried really hard to imagine my mother doing this. I’m sorry but I just can’t imagine the scenario playing out this way. If for no other reason, you want to be sure the child is not upset that the person she’s been entrusted to is not there when she wakes up. I’m sure your mom will really understand where you’re coming from after she thinks about it a bit.

  6. Joe Ann says:

    Okay, I guess I will be the lone ranger on this one. No where in your post did you mention that your Aunt was someone that cannot be trusted with your child. A family member that Regan is familiar with, I can see your mom ‘s side. Had it been someone I was not familiar with, then I would have a problem. Serious problem.

    • Cyn says:

      I actually agree with Joe Ann. I would trust my mother with my children and would not worry if she thought it best to leave my child at a relatives overnight. I’m a little confused as to why she went all the way home, especially 30 minutes away, if she was planning on coming back first thing in the morning. But since she left baby with her sister I don’t see much of an issue.

      If I didn’t trust that particular relative or don’t care for her I could see being upset but I would trust that mom had my baby’s best interest at heart.

      Falling down stairs or stumbling around incoherent coulda happened with both you and mommy there.

  7. Donna says:

    I can understand why you’re upset but I also get your Mom’s point of view. I’m making some assumptions here — namely that you would not normally object to your aunt watching Regan for a few hours. If that’s true, that it seems that your mom may have made her decision to leave Regan at your aunt’s house based on that. The other thing you may not have considered is that as much as your mom loves Regan, caring for a 2-year old all week (with no daycare relief) can be overwhelming, especially for someone who is not in the day-to-day kiddie care trenches. Mom may not admit this but she was probably happy for the overnight and early relief. She probably also needed it. It seems that Regan made it through the stay at your aunt’s house with no damage. Because of that, I’d let Mom know that I didn’t approve but I also wouldn’t harp on it and would not restrict Mom from taking Regan in the future. What I would do regarding any future outings is clearly lay out all of my ground rules (e.g. Regan will not be left in the care of others under any circumstances) and make sure that Mom is willing and able to agree to them before she took my kid.

    • Sherri says:

      This. I hesitated to say this at first…. but this.
      My folks just left for home after spending 3 weeks with us. I know they are tired and we were with them most of the time. I’m assuming there is no back story here.

      Let’s not get carried away with stories about home invasions etc… As a mom, I know that my generation is a bit more “concerned” with things like this than our parents. We survived. The grandchildren will survive too. :)

      Unless you think your mom is completely irresponsible, give her a pass.

      • Ames says:

        I was also thinking your mom needed a little break. My mom keeps my kids for the summer and I arrange for my cousins to give her a few hours of relief. I would have a breakdown if I went a week without a break. A few hours does wonders.

        I do understand that a mommy wants to be informed of her child’s whereabouts. It can be stressful seeding your kid on vacay without you, so you need to be able to predict what your child is doing.

  8. onefromphilly says:

    I’m rolling with you on this one. When my child was that young I never left him with anyone other than my parents. I would have bundled Regan up and took her with me. When we got home we could just sleep late the next day. Sleep can be interrupted.

  9. CC says:

    Perhaps your mom didn’t think it would be a big deal because it is her sister. However, you may have some information regarding said aunt that puts you on notice. Or perhaps, maybe you don’t know them (her and who she has at her house) well enough to feel comfortable leaving Regan there.

    HOWEVER…what I totally DON’T understand is why your mom left Regan there. Anything can happen. Kids are stolen, molested. What if she has food allergies, was hungry before your mom returned and was fed something she is allergic to? Home invasions are big these days. What if one would’ve happen while she was left there. Taking charge of other people’s kids is a HUGE responsibility.

  10. Honest says:

    Hmmm I’m on the fence. I understand your concern and your mom should have probably also spent the night (why didn’t she) or bundled Regan up and took her home. I also get that your mom left her at your aunts so not a stranger so I know I wouldn’t have been upset. Alas my mom sent me to another country to visit my grandmother when I was almost two with a family friend who flew with me. I’d never met either of them before that. Granted it was the 70s and times are different. At the end of the day it’s what you feel comfortable with since she’s your child.

  11. digal704 says:

    Your baby, your rules. Even though mom might be cool with something doesn’t mean you are and vice versa. I say stay with baby or don’t stay out too late with her. Especially if she has a set bedtime. Your request should have been respected.

  12. nylse says:

    from my vantage point, I dont have a problem. but i understand first child anxiety, so i could see why you were a bit frazzled.
    once i trust the people i’m leaving my children with i know they won’t do anything to put my children in harm’s way. we sent our children overseas many summers and none were the worse for wear.

  13. bigcurlyharr says:

    In my opinion I don’t think its that big of a deal. It was her sister, your aunt, not a random person. However, if you requested that your Mom not leave her with any family overnight she should have respected your request.

  14. Kena says:

    I wouldn’t have been concerned. My aunts/uncles are responsible awesome people. When I was a baby, they took care of me. I trust them with my life, my son is an extention.

  15. Rehab says:

    I had something similar almost take place on a recent visit home. I dropped off the little one for a visit with my mother while Nick and I saw a movie with the understanding that they would be hanging at the house. When I returned a few of her friends had come by and they had all these big plans to take my son out to eat but they abandoned those plans _ONLY_ because they couldn’t figure out the car seat. Meanwhile, my phone never rang the entire time we were out. All I know is if I had come home to find out they took my child anywhere without calling me to see if it was ok, all future visits would be taking place at the visitors center under strict supervision. Even before I had Dev, I NEVER took any liberties with kids. I don’t care how cool I was with their parents. I always, always, always ask permission to do anything they haven’t previously cleared me to do.

  16. Hmmm, I’m on the fence. On the one hand, I see your mom’s point of view because it was your aunt. On the other hand, since my son is getting ready to spend his first weekend away from me without either parent, I see where you are coming from. Maybe she could have at least called you to see if it was OK?

  17. Nerd Girl says:

    This would not have bothered me at all. My parents love my child and would never do anything to intentionally put her in harm’s way and I’m making the assumption that your mom feels the same way about Regan.

    I think you either trust someone with your child or you don’t. To me, there’s no kinda sorta or halfway trusting.

    Having said that, I’m certainly not trying to fault you for the way you feel. Hope you and mom have made up by now!

  18. Kimmy says:

    I am totally in agreement with you. She should not have left her there without your permission. Period. Something similar happened to me a while back. My father in law had the kids for the day. He had a dr appt and said he would take them with. I found out that he left them home while his friend “Chester” watched them. I was LIVID. He was offended and said I was overreacting, they’ve been friends for over 20+ years and he trusted him. I didn’t even know the man. I only met him once. I didn’t care if he trusted him. He was out of line for not contacting me. He ended up calling and apologizing to me only because numerous other folks told him that he was wrong for doing that.

  19. I trust my mother’s judgment 100%. If she thought her sister was someone who could be trusted to take care of my baby for a few hours, then I wouldn’t have had the slightest issue with it at all. You must trust your mom; you sent your baby away with her for a week. I’m inclined to say you’re overreacting just a bit, and even though I see your side, I can’t say I completely agree with you.

  20. Amyg says:

    Team Babs. I would have flipped.

  21. creolefleur says:

    I’m late. And I’m on the fence. Is there a reason the aunt couldn’t be trusted with Regan? Like Joe Ann, I’m missing that part of why this would cause a huge blow up. However, I do understand not wanting baby to be confused when she woke up somewhere that may not be familiar. And she probably should have called you, but at the same time, I know how my parents are when they keep my nieces and nephew. They get tired, and they need a break – especially after more than 2 full days with the kids. So your mom very well didn’t see it would be a huge issue since it was her sister, and she went home so she could get a good nights sleep in her own bed. If baby has been sleeping with her, it adds to why she wanted to be in her bed alone. So while I get it’s your baby and your rules, I’m not sure I’d flip out unless it was a relative/home that my mother knew could not be trusted or that I would not want my child around like that.

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