Things I’ll Never Get To Do (at least for the next 20 years or so)

After the reality set in that I was actually going to have a baby, I began to lament over how drastically my life was getting ready to change.  Among these lamentations was all the things that I wasn’t going to be able to accomplish.  Yes, I realize that having a baby is not a death sentence, but the reality is that the chances of doing certain things I once fancied a possibility will never come to fruition.

Moving to Texas– Okay, so I never actually planned on moving to Texas.  And really Texas is just a metaphor for any other place outside of Atlanta.  Now that I am going to be a mother, I am bound to the same city as Tim (whether we are together or not) until this child hits college.  Having grown up without a solid paternal relationship, I would never consider putting great distance between the baby and Tim.  Even though I am in this city without family, I am now claiming Tim and his family as my own.  So that means my hopes for moving will have to wait until the college years.  Perhaps I’ll get him/her to choose a Texas school!

Visiting Easter Island with my mom– My mom and I have a running list of places we’d like to visit.  And if you know my mom, you know that these vacations are not pipe dreams.  My momma likes to travel and I have no doubt that had I remained childless, Egypt would have been next up in the next year or so.  Now that we are expecting a child (and grandchild) our travel and budget priorities have changed.  I’m sure she’ll still get to go on whirlwind trips, but it will be quite some time before I will want to travel around the world (or have the money to do so).

Going Skydiving– Mind you, I have no real desire to go skydiving.  At best I have fancied myself propelling tandemly out of a plane, but I knew I was too chicken to ever try it.  The point, is that I can no longer live my live as a wild and free single girl.  I am now living for two- literally and figuratively.  That means no skydiving, bungee jumping, or unsafe carnival rides.  Hell, I think twice now before I even speed.  And those days of driving home after a cocktail (or three) are over.  Come to think of it, none of these are really sacrifices and are things I shouldn’t be doing anyway.  So, thanks, baby!

Buying a Mini Cooper– Let’s face it, a mini cooper is hardly a practical family car.  How in the world could I fit a car seat, stroller, diaper bag, groceries and my cute bag in one of those little things?  I was driving down the highway next to one the other day and I thought to myself, “wow, I should have bought one when I had the chance.”  Alas, now I find myself looking at minivans and SUVs and wondering how soon in the future that will be a reality.  I suppose someday when the little one goes off to college I’ll get that Mini Cooper, and it will be red.  And a convertible!

I’m sure there are other things that I am not going to be doing in the future.  Hopefully, they will not be too sorely missed.  After all, a woman of a certain age really has no business dancing on table tops, right?

What are some activities/dreams that you had to give up when you became a mother?

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23 Responses to Things I’ll Never Get To Do (at least for the next 20 years or so)

  1. sherri says:

    Can’t think of anything I’m having to give up, but I did have the most random odd thought a few months ago.

    I realized I will never again be just “Sherri”. Until the day I die, I will always be Jordan’s mother. Just a weird thoughts. My marital status could change, I can change my last name, I could move to another country… but that’s one thing that will never go away.

  2. spring says:

    With a great support system there really was only one thing I gave up, a little red sports car, which I did eventually get when my children got older. Which was probably better; if I had gotten that car when I was younger 20-25 insurance would have ate me up.

  3. Honest says:

    I’m not a mom but one thing I know I’ll miss when I become one is being able to sleep in. Another is being able to do random happy hours after work. I think sleeping in will be the one I miss the most. While in school I had to curb my random happy hour desires and I survived but the desire to sleep in will never go away.

    • Tazzee says:

      Cosign! Whenever my fiance’ and I are lounging in bed on a Saturday morning, I remind him that if we had a little one, we wouldn’t be able to do that.

  4. S23 says:

    When I found out I was pregnant, I was 6 weeks in. The feeling I had at that very moment was “this damn baby is gonna change my life and I’m gonna be stuck.” That’s not the case at all. Hmm. As you can probably tell from reading my blog, a baby doesn’t stop your life or your dreams, it enhances it. I had a two door car at the time and yes, it was pits pushing that seat up to get the car seat in and out, but time flies before you knwo it. Tyler is 7 now and if I wanted to, I could go out and buy a two seater car and be just fine. Sure babies take up a lot of your money and I don’t think that ever changes until they go off to college, but with a great support system, you can still do almost anything you can dream of doing (within reason). Nobody wants to be the parent that made the child their life and now they don’t know what to do when the child leaves for college. You’ll be real sad and they’ll be off enjoying life. I can say there is one thing that I wish I could do that I can’t. I wish I could go to the bathroom w/out someone coming in to talk to me!

    • Sherri says:

      Oooohhh..

      You’re right. That is one thing I miss. Privacy in the bathroom. I’ve heard you don’t get that back until they leave your house.

      • S23 says:

        I sat Tyler down and had a convo about how when he’s using it or taking a bath, I don’t interupt him and it’s “private time.” He forgets and walks right in to ask me “Mom, how many mins do i set on the microwave for popcorn?” Couldn’t he just wait or ask his question from the hallway? LOL

  5. onefromphilly says:

    I didn’t really have to give up anything. I just kept thinking that I just can’t die!! Not that I was planning on dying. But I kept thinking that I couldn’t do anything that was even remotely dangerous. My child is 19 and I still think that sometimes! Once you are a mother, it is forever. But it’s the best job I have ever had!

  6. pserendipity says:

    Hmmm. There was nothing that I gave up when I became a parent. Except sleep and privacy. And not sharing any and everything on my plate. Being a Mom is the best thing ever, and as much as it will indeed change your life, you’ll find that you’ll still be able to handle everything you can handle right now.

    While I was reading your post, I thought that before I had Aidan, I probably never thought about traveling outside of the country. But now? I want to take him everywhere! Funny how when little ones come along they give you a whole new set of dreams. Before long, you won’t even remember that you wanted that Mini Cooper. In fact, it will seem absurd to you that other people have one. 🙂

  7. BK says:

    I didn’t have to give up anything.. I had a great support system initially until I moved away to make a better life for them.. Now that they are older and active as ever between dance, karate, school activities I find myself “not having free time” because I’m with them but that time turns out to be great because those are some of the proudest moments of my life.. looking at my seeds do their thing.. 🙂

    You will be fine.. these are all definitely things you feel during your pregnancy but once your bundle of joy arrives you won’t even see it that way

  8. keyalus says:

    I’m still new to this game but I haven’t given up on any dreams just yet. I am just postponing a few things until Lewis is old enough to be more self-sufficient.

    I do feel you on the car thing though. I love the Lexus IS250 but I test drove it and that backseat is way too small for a carseat. You won’t ever catch me in a minivan or full-sized SUV though!

    As for skydiving, if I really wanted to I’d do it. The most dangerous thing most of us do is ride in a car and no one gives that up when they have kids!

    I have a friend from high school whose husband died in a skydiving accident and left her with two small children. It can happen!

  9. Mick says:

    I have a friend that has driven her daughter about the DC/MD area in a Mini Cooper. From birth to the age of four. She never really said if it was an inconvenience or anything.

    I really don’t want you to get a minivan. LOL

  10. jamie says:

    You are looking at the glass like it was half-empty instead of half-full. What you give up is minimimal compared to what get when you become a parent.

    instead of a walk with mom on Easter island, it’ll be baby steps with Grandmom, and your daughter on Jekyll Island.

    A Tonka truck in the sandbox with your son will make you forget all about the mini cooper.

    If you’re looking for excitement forget skydiving, being a parent is the BIGGEST thrill you’ll ever have. It’s an E ticket ride all the way baby!

    As for not getting to move to Texas; I’ve been there, count yourself lucky.

    The world as you know it will never be the same, cherish and praise God for every change.

    Oh yeah, you get to have new dreams that include your family in them and they are better than any that you’ve had to date.

    Godspeed.

    Not half empty at all. This is just a light-hearted look at it. I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

  11. jamie says:

    After all, a woman of a certain age really has no business dancing on table tops, right?

    Now that’s something that I’d like to see at Chuck E. Cheese!

  12. Nerd Girl says:

    Silence. I’ve given up the ability to acquire silence on demand. My girl talks. A LOT. And there are times when I very much miss just being alone in my thoughts.

    I don’t think there’s been much else that I’ve given up. Everyone is quite correct that children enhance our lives much more than they detract from them. One of my happiest moments occurred when I took my kiddo to CA a few months ago. Her sheer joy at being in the ocean was enough to cause me to choke up. She was so excited and awe struck that I wouldn’t trade anything – not even silence – for the feeling that I got watching her experience the Pacific. There is nothing better than seeing the world through the excited, wondrous eyes of your child. There are things that I have delayed, but given up? Not so much.

    • Britt says:

      I really appreciate you for answering the question :-). Even though this is for Babs, it’s helpful to see sacrifices from a mother’s perspective.

  13. Pinky says:

    Living in a chic, downtown apartment by the harbor and living my life like a brown Carrie Bradshaw. Yeah…that’s kind of hard to do with a bambino.

    You can still travel, Babs. My kid had more stamps in her passport, before the age of two, than most adults.

    I can also say the reward of being a Mom outweighs the loss.

  14. najalimu says:

    hmm. .kind of like marriage, there are things that you “give up” in order to become an “us”. I was MORE than willing to give those up: dateless weekends, empty bed at night, no one to pick you up from the airport, pumping gas, etc.

    I too have thought about this since we’ve found out and I’m happy to give up our 2bedroom apt for a house and getting a newer more reliable car. With a little one in tow, I don’t have to worry about people giving me the side-eye when I go to see “children’s movies” or disney on ice! With the nightly runs to the bathroom, I’m already missing my consistency in sleep. .lol, but I’m looking forward to not even thinking about that once I see his/her face!

  15. CaliSlim says:

    Girl, don’t blame the bambino…blame being broke! 😆 All that stuff would be possible if you had more loot. You could have the mini-Cooper and the minivan!

  16. Coco says:

    It’s interesting that you said that about Mini Coopers–my uncle’s ex-wife/mother of his two children had a 4-Runner. Well the 4-Runner broke down and she went out and bought a Mini Cooper. We are still shaking our heads at that considering that she has two growing children (6 & 8).

  17. kimmy says:

    Well, one thing that I’ve given up is getting relaxers. I want my daughter to grow up chemical free and loving her natural hair. So, I’m trying to set an example but it’s been 4 years and extremely difficult trying to manage my hair in its natural state!

    • Nerd Girl says:

      Having my daughter was one of the factors in my deciding to go natural as well! I didn’t feel as though my spending copious amounts of time and money altering my hair would be setting a good example especially as I was trying to instill pride and a belief in her beauty in her. I got my last perm when she was about 6 months old.

      • kimmy says:

        Plus, I was avoiding it while pregnant anyway. I hear that you shouldn’t get chemical relaxers and coloring while pregnant. Although, I’ve seen women do it and their kids were healthy. But I didn’t want to take any chances.

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