Cheaters

*sigh*

Another celebrity caught cheating.  I used to be a fan of Tiki’s chocolately goodness.  Now I think he is repulsive.  It’s one thing to cheat on your wife, but when your wife is 8 months pregnant…I can’t go for that.

No can do.

During this string of publicized infidelities, I have taken the stance that the woman should leave the husband in each and every case.  They deserve it.  But what about regular Joes dipping their pen in another woman’s ink?  Is it just as easy to walk away?

I was talking with a coworker today and she reiterated her belief that all men cheat.  In the past I have felt sad for her and her experiences that led her to that belief, but honestly I’m no longer so far on the opposite side of the fence in my beliefs.

I’m not saying ALL men cheat.  Certainly not.  But the more stories I hear, both on the news and in real life, and I am starting to think that cheating is the rule and not the exception.  Men seem to get praise for being faithful to their wives, but that is what they are supposed to do.  They don’t deserve an award, they deserve a wife who does the same.

Cheating comes in different forms.  It’s not only reserved for banging some dirty whore on a business trip, or a brief affair with an old college flame.  To me, cheating is also having dinner with a member of the opposite sex and keeping it from your mate.  Cheating is engaging in cyber nookie with a complete stranger on the internet.  Cheating is sending sexually explicit emails to someone even though you don’t have any intention of actually sleeping with them. 

After all, good intentions can quickly go awry.  Once you think it’s okay to have intimate dinners or send inappropriate emails, what’s the next step?  A game of backgammon?  Methinks not.  Such indiscretions are the gateway to flat out cheating.  Tread carefully.

I have a close family member that cheated on his spouse decades ago.  There was a child as a result, and I often wonder how she managed to stay with him.  I guess women of a certain age are cut from a different cloth, because if I found out that my man cheated on me (with or without an illegitimate child) I’d quickly become black history.

What are your thoughts on cheaters?  Do you think it’s becoming an epidemic? Do you think a faithful man is the exception and not the rule?  Do you think there are different levels of cheating?

Could you stay with someone that cheated on you?

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10 Responses to Cheaters

  1. Krissy says:

    What are your thoughts on cheaters? I think cheaters are scum. I think they don’t deserve to be in meaningul relationships and I think they are all very selfish. I think people cheat in general because they are selfish as hell.
    Do you think it’s becoming an epidemic? Nope, this is nothing new but it’s its NEWS because “famous” people are doing it.

    Do you think a faithful man is the exception and not the rule? I think they’re are plenty of faithful men who are being overshadowed by all the ignorance that’s going around and all this cheating. I have been with cheaters and have been cheated on and I have also been with men who have never cheated a day in their lives.

    Do you think there are different levels of cheating?Nope, cheating is cheating no matter how you define it. Stepping out in any fashion on your significant other is cheating even if there is no sex involved. I sometimes feel that emotional cheating is much worse than purely sex.

    Could you stay with someone that cheated on you? I have never and never will remain in a relationship with a man who cheated on me. Once its news to me I’m gone and never looking back. I refuse to play the fool ever. And a person who stays with a someone who has cheated on them is only hurting themselves. The stress of wondering whether or not your mate is STILL stepping out on you and the trust you’ll never have for them again would be way too much for me to bare. I’m good!

  2. Barista says:

    To me staying in a relationship with a man who cheats is like giving him a free pass to continue doing it. I have a zero tolerance cheating policy and have been told by many men that it’s unrealistic to think a man is NOT going to cheat on a woman. I’ll wait for the exceptions, thanks.

  3. T Renard says:

    As a man, I would agree that most men cheat in some form or fashion by a woman’s definition of cheating. Men think that cheating is only the physical act but mental intimacy is a form of cheating as well. When I was a married man and even now as man in a great relationship, women approach you regardless of your situation.

    What has really become an epidemic is the amount of married women who cheat on their husbands. Allowing a man to flirt with you, having a drink with a man who has expressed interest, or detailing the inadequacies of your current mate to an interested man is a form of cheating.

    When I got married years ago, I said that infidelity would be the only reason I would dissolve my marriage. Well it happend to me and I realized that it wasn’t that easy. I am now a firm believer that when you are married that you are to do everything that you can to stay in your relationship. When you are married it is not about you and your happiness anymore. It is about the covenant that was made between the two of you and GOD.

  4. laughing808 says:

    ROFL @ banging some dirty whore on a business trip…….I almost choked on my afternoon tea at this statement.

    Levels of cheating: Cheating is cheating any shape, form or fashion.

    Epidemic: not neccessarily, the media has gotten a hold of celebrity infidelities and has made a huge ruckus of it. It’s been going on with regular people for far longer than I’ve been living, but I still wouldn’t go as far as saying it’s an epidemic becuase I believe not everyone cheats. There are quite a few people that believe in the sanctity of monogamous relationships.

    Faithful men and exception or the rule: good question, but that question can only be answered on a man by man basis. Given the right circumstance or situation I think the average man would consider it, but not neccessarily act on it.

    Leave: if I were single and in a committed relationship, yep I’d be on the first thing smoking out of there. But as a married woman who strongly believes in the vow I took I would have to give it some serious thought before making the decision to leave permanently.

  5. keyalus says:

    I don’t think it is an epidemic…folks have been cheating since the beginning of time. I think all of my grandparents (and I have 3 sets!) have endured an episode of cheating and they are all still happily married years later.

    I think it is very easy to just say what you would and wouldn’t do until it happens to you. Does your answer change when you’ve been with the person for 1 year? 5 years? 20 years? When you have kids?

    I honestly can’t say I would pack my bags and leave The Mister if he stepped out on me. If I knew him to be the type of man who was a cheating dog all through our pre-marriage relationship and an incident was just one more in a long line of incidents – that might be different. Since that isn’t the case, I truly don’t know what I would do.

    One thing I DON’T believe in is staying together (and miserable and fighting) for the kids thing though. Kids can see right through that mess.

    Hmmm…Glad The Mister doesn’t read blogs. I don’t want him thinking he has a free pass LOL.

    • Krissy says:

      but would you ever be able to FULLY trust your partner once you find out about the cheating? I don’t think anyone could. I think pretending one is alright with someone cheating on them is just as bad as not addressing the situation at all.

      I can say with all certainty that I’d leave a marriage if my husband was cheating. We could have been married 100yrs and I’d still leave. I say this because cheating to me is unforgivable. If I can’t trust him then there really is no relationship there. There’s no excuse for cheating and there is no amounts of “i’m sorries” that will ever make the fact that someone went outside the relationship better. I think people who stay in those types of relationships are fools. They’ll never be fully happy and they’ll always wonder if he/she is stepping out in them again. Forever insecure.

  6. missmajestic says:

    I celebrity/very wealthy men are different from the average Joe in that they are constantly being tempted. I’m not saying they are just weak and can’t resist but when you’re a celebrity I think fame and success can become a drug and if you aren’t constantly being adored you continue to look for that attention high in the form of another woman. They don’t know if they want a wife or a full time fan.

    If I were married, I don’t know if I’d leave if I were cheated on. It just depends. I can definitely say I wouldn’t leave immediately if the husband wanted to stay together.

    I think men for the most part are faithful. And I do think there are different levels of cheating. I think the media makes it seem like an epidemic when back in the day this was something that was either accepted or still kept under wraps.

  7. CaliSlim says:

    I’m with Keyalus. I have parents who have been married for 33 years and grandparents who have been married for 62. What I’ve learned is that your marital problems can run deep. It’s your level of commitment that helps you weather it. You absolutely can not get to 62 years without some real life challenges to test your marriage.

    There is no tolerance for cheating before marriage. But after marriage, I have to assess the life we’ve built together and how big the transgression. All that to say, cheating would definitely be a turning point in my marriage, but I don’t know if it’s an automatic dealbreaker. Hopefully, prayer, counseling then reassesment are an option.

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  9. Cyn says:

    Hmm, add Garcelle Beauvais Nilon and her cheating hubby to the list.

    I don’t think every man cheats but I do think plenty of men overstep what should be logical and common sensical boundaries with woman other than their spouse/SO. I expect my man to know what those boundaries are. Even seemingly innocent interactions can quickly become more than friends if you aren’t aware and if you let little things slide.

    My ex-hubby cheated and no I did not immediately pack my bags. I knew that there were underlying issues that I was willing to work through. When he continued to play games and not take counseling seriously I walked away.

    I think it’s easy to say you’d just up and walk away until you are confronted with the situations and all the circumstances.

    I certainly wouldn’t stay just for the kids or for any other reason than genuine love and a belief that we could work through it and that cheating would not be a recurring act.

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