I’ve been under attack for quite some time. The devil has his hands in my life and I am desperately trying to get myself free. It is becoming increasing difficult to remain cheerful and upbeat.
I didn’t get any sleep last night. I just laid there (wait, is it lied there? I’m too lazy to look it up). Then I turned on television until I finally fell asleep. I dreamt of the life I don’t have. Foxy was there. I was happy. Then I woke up and realized it was just a dream. So now I’m pissed again.
I got me and baby ready and was heading out the door. I sat her down on the couch to grab her bottles from the fridge and that’s when I saw it. Her bottles. Sitting on the counter.
I left her fucking bottles sitting on the counter since 7 o’clock yesterday. Wasted. I have been working so hard to get my supply back up and have a good stash and I wasted all that milk. I started sobbing in the middle of the kitchen.
I quickly made three more bottles and took her to daycare. When I walked in I must have looked kinda crazy because her teacher asked if I was okay. Again, I started crying as I told her about the wasted milk.
She grabbed me and hugged me hard and just started praying for me. That’s the benefit of sending baby to a Christian environment. Prayer warriors are on duty!
The rest of my morning was pretty shitty. I put air in my tire and lost the black thingy. I replaced one of the things I lost but not the other. I still have work to do.
I’m at work. I have tons to do. Thankfully no one is here so I popped my earbuds in my ear and plan to just work hard and zone out. Hopefully no one will talk to me. Otherwise they might just catch me crying.