You Would Cry Too If it Happened to You

I appreciate all of the kinds words, prayers and emails over the last few days.  I spent most of yesterday in a funk but by the time night fell I was feeling a little better.  A lot of you mentioned that you think I might be suffering from Post Partum Depression.  I haven’t done enough research on the subject, but I really don’t think this is what this is. 

Let’s think about this for a moment.  I’m not receiving any financial or emotional support from Foxy’s dad, who shall henceforth be known as TBL.  I have no family down here and have been abandoned by TBL’s family  That’s a lot to deal with.  So when something as minor as wasting 15 ounces of breastmilk pushes me over the edge it’s no wonder.

I had some reassuring conversations yesterday that truly put me in a better place mentally.  Trust that I am still super pissed, but I’m not feeling so sad today.

As many of you know, I am no stranger to seeking professional mental health.  I have a therapist whom I love and I have been thinking about seeing her for the past month or so.  I just need find the time to do it.  Just like working out, it’s super challenging to get accomplished on a Monday to Friday timeframe.

This morning my sweetie and I got up early for a doctor’s appointment and then we ran some errands.  As we pulled back to the house I thanked her and the Lord for such a sweet child who did not fuss one bit the entire morning.  I was able to get everything I needed done without so much as a peep from her.  She just sat and smiled and looked at her hands.

I love her so much and, despite all of the bullshit I am dealing with, she is totally worth it.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Foxy, Motherhood. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to You Would Cry Too If it Happened to You

  1. Krissy says:

    Babs this post here made you totally relateable to me. I thank the lord often for my princess. She is meant to be mine. Sperm donor may not care that he’s missing out but I know what I have. Single moms are entitled to break downs. We bare the brunt of raising a child we didn’t create on our own, by ourselves. That’s not ideal but that’s what the situation is. We may break down but we deal with it and we’ll move on. You’ll have more break downs and that’s okay. As long as you keep recovering. You can do it. I have been for the last 11 months. When times get to be too much I look at my mini me and am reassured how worth it she is.

  2. sherri says:

    Sorry, wasting 4 oz of breast milk has pushed me over the edge on more than one occasion.

    On a serious note, I can’t believe youve been abandonned by the family. Maybe they are trying to lay low and let things work out. IF they are good people, they will come around plus, they are probably embarrassed.

    I would seriously consider relocating closer to family. There isn’t a day that I don’t wish I were closer to home and this is a 2 parent household. By yourself….. I’d weigh my options before any legalcustody arrangements are made.

    Glad you are feeling better for now.

  3. creolepeach says:

    Glad you’re feeling better. And you’re right, I’d cry if it happened to me too. I also known I’m prone to depression so I have to stay very in tune with things and not brush them off too quickly. TBL = That Bi&%h Loser? Sorry, I couldn’t resist. lol

  4. Heartdrops says:

    Hey lady. I pray things turn around for you soon. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but know that this too shall pass. I know, cliches can be irritating when you’re down and out (they make me want to punch someone in the face when I’m really down) but they’re always true. I hope you feel better soon. You are in my prayers, and so is Foxy.

  5. dmac says:

    Girl, I logged in on the weekend to check on you. I am so glad you’re feeling somewhat better. In this situation staying mad will propel you to do what you need to do. File them papers!

    TBL = The Bi.g.est.Los.er?

    For the win!

  6. Mick says:

    TBL = That Bitchassed Loser! 🙂

    I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. I can’t believe his family! They welcomed y’all with open arms and now all you get are crickets? Shame.

    I’ll say a prayer for you and le bebe.

  7. Ms. Smart says:

    I’m not sure if anyone has mentioned this but with respect to the financial support, dude does have a social security number. So there’s really no reason to not go get some legal help to get the ball rolling so that the courts can at least make him pay half. I know it’s something a lot of people don’t want to do because they want to avoid any hard feelings. The hard feelings are already there. But at the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for Foxy.

  8. Kim says:

    So sorry for all you are dealing with! If you need help seek it. I pray that your situation changes. It’s hard, seems damn near impossible, but you can get pass this!

  9. pserendipity says:

    You are dealing with a lot, it’s a hell of a lot to deal with. But, to say that you haven’t done a lot of research on something but then rule it out is contradictory. I just did a little google on PPD, and you have expressed at least 5 of the symptoms on this blog:

    * Loss of appetite, or the opposite
    * Insomnia
    * Intense irritability and anger
    * Overwhelming fatigue
    * Loss of interest in sex
    * Lack of joy in life
    * Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
    * Severe mood swing
    * Difficulty bonding with the baby
    * Withdrawal from family and friends
    * Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby

    There is a difference in “baby blues”, which is dealing with new parenthood, and in PPD. PPD is still present months after the baby is born.

    All I’m saying is this, to be brutally honest, and said in love. You are Foxy’s mother. At this point, you’re all she’s got. Don’t rule it out. She needs you to be WELL. Working an appointment in might be a hard thing to do, but carrying on without it might have consequences, too.

  10. Honest says:

    Sending you a hug Babs! Based on some of the comments I’ve seen your friends in ATL have your back. I’m sure that your support system will continue to grow.

  11. Tsiporah says:

    I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. You and Foxy have both been added to my daily prayer list. I know things seem bleak now, but it will get better. Just take it day by day…hell even hour by hour if you have too. When things get tough just hold your sweet little baby close to you and remember she is worth it.

  12. TheMrs says:

    I’m so glad that you’re feeling better. Please do everything that you need to do to continue to feel better.

Say something

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s