I know I need to lose weight. I know it. This morning I slipped on my span.x under my clothes, expect I decided to slip on my maternity span.x instead of my regular. They are way more comfortable, so I said fugg it. I’m wearing them every day from now on.
But I need to lose weight. I’m not really trying to wear maternity undergarments and size 16 pants for the rest of my life. And really, I can’t stand to look at my face in the mirror. It’s just so…big.
Then there is the side of me that really doesn’t care about losing weight. I mean, what is it I am trying to lose weight for? I can’t afford to buy smaller clothes. I’m not dating. The only person that is going to see me nekkid is my GYN and I can hold off on that until the end of next summer. The only people that will see me in a bathing suit are my neighbors and strangers at the beach. Why should I care?
Then this morning, some time around o’dark thirty I heard the baby crying and I jumped up to go see to her. Expect when my feet hit the ground something in my ankle didn’t operate right. It was like my ankle was marshmallow. I crumbled to the floor. Picture me on the ground in the middle of the night with a baby crying flexing my ankles just so I can walk to the next room.
I’m so out of shape it’s not even cute.
My mom sent me some new workout video- hi.p hop a.bs. At first I was excited. I got up early one morning to do it and aside from being ridiculously tired I was bored. I just can’t work out in my living room. I hate it. I need the energy of other people. I need loud music. I need fresh air in my face.
I work from 830am – 430pm. Daycare is open from 700am until 600pm. There simply is not enough time in the day for me to workout, commute and get dressed with full hair and makeup. I keep running through the day in my head to see if it can work but it can’t. If I am not in my car by 500pm I run the risk of being late for daycare and that isn’t an option.
The mornings are getting cooler and pretty soon I won’t even be able to go on walks with the baby.
I have been thinking about joining a gym that has childcare. At least I can work out on weekends. But then I wonder about what type of childcare providers are working at LA Fitness. Do I trust them with my baby? Maybe I can get on a treadmill that faces the childcare room and watch her the entire time. But then I would also have to incur an additional expense of belonging to a gym. Who has $40 bucks a month lying around? Not I said the fly.
Okay, just getting my thoughts out there.
Trying to figure it out.