There is a woman at Foxy’s daycare.  We’ll call her Gabby.  Gabby has a child in Foxy’s class that is the same age.  Gabby also works in the two-year old classroom as a teacher’s assistant.  Gabby isn’t really my stilo.  She’s a little “ghetto” and hasn’t ever struck me as warm and fuzzy.  She’d probably tell you I was too prissy and talked too much.  Whatevs.  Everybody ain’t for everybody.

A couple of weeks ago, as I was dropping baby off, Gabby was sitting in the infant room.  There were no other teachers in sight.  I observed Gabby sitting in a chair with nothing in her hands.  Her son was in a bouncer on the floor and she was bouncing him with her foot.  He was crying a little and she said something to the effect of “hush all that crying or you are going to get a spanking.”

Holding Foxy, I looked at her like she was crazy and said, “you aren’t going to spank him are you?  he’s only five months old.”  She replied that he needed a spanking since he wouldn’t stop crying.

I was stunned.  I didn’t really think she was going to spank the baby, but the fact that he was crying and all she did was threaten to spank him really upset me.  Wy wouldn’t she pick the baby up and soothe him or try to find out what is wrong?  The fact that it was her own child upset me even more.  I mean, if she is going to treat her own child like that, how in the world is she treating other people’s children?

I was getting ready to walk back out to my car with my child when the lead teacher finally showed up.  I stuck around a few minutes to survey the situation and realized Foxy was in the hands of her regular caregivers.  When I returned later that morning for the holiday lunch, I pulled her teacher aside and told her what I witnessed.  I told her that Gabby was, under no circumstances, permitted to care for my child.  And I mean that.  If I find out that she is working in the infant room I will start shopping for a new daycare immediately.

Miss D appreciated my concern.  She said she was sure Gabby wasn’t really intending to spank the five month old baby, but that she should watch what she says in front of parents.  Hells yeah, cause I will rat your ass out every time!  She said she would mention it in the next staff meeting. 

About a week later I was picking Foxy up and Gabby was, once again, hanging out in the infant room.  She was sitting in a chair chatting with another teacher.  A third teacher was changing Gabby’s son.  I asked Gabby why she was letting Miss T change her son and she said because that’s what she pays daycare for and she doesn’t change diapers between 9am and 6pm.  I kinda rolled my eyes and one of the other teachers told her that Foxy’s mommy will not let them change Foxy’s diaper.  I said heck no, I didn’t think it was right for me to sit there and twiddle my thumbs while they changed her diaper. 

Ever since that day, I’ve noticed a cool reception from Gabby.  She no longer speaks to me when I walk in the room.  I don’t know if it’s because the spanking incident was brought to her attention or if she is mad about the diaper comment.  And honestly I don’t care.  I just know that if Gabby is still employed in the two year old room in a couple of years, I will be finding Foxy a new daycare.  I’m not going to have someone that doesn’t like me caring for my child.

How do you handle conflict when it comes to your child’s care?

Would you have said something about the spanking comments?

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26 Responses to Gabby

  1. CaliSlim says:

    My sister is going through this right now. My nephew just turned two years old and he’s still in the infant room. Even though he’s two and is tall enough to look 5. 😆 The problem? The two year old teacher looks like a crackhead. Seriously…the chick doesn’t have any teeth! Now the parents say that this teacher is good and takes care of their children well. But come on…how are the two year olds you care for gonna have more teeth than the teacher??? 😆

  2. AR Gal says:

    “She said she was sure Gabby wasn’t really intending to spank the five month old baby…..”


    Ummmm, she said it because she meant it. She just didn’t expect you to go and run tell dat. LOL Maybe it will help her to think before she speaks in the future….at least while you’re around.

  3. Nerd Girl says:

    I have friends who have spanked their young babies. I was shocked! And a friend who is a full-time caregiver who spanks her charges. Um, hell no. I knew they’d never watch any child of mine. I am not anti-spanking. But I am anti-spanking babies.

    I wouldn’t have said anything about her spanking her own baby but I would’ve made it clear that she was not to lay a hand on mine.

    We never had problems with Lovegirl’s care when she was a baby. She was with Ms. D for 2.5 years and Ms. D took great care of her. I did have an issue with her K5 teacher last year and I took it up with the teacher and the “director.” They are the reasons she didn’t stay at that school for 1st grade.

  4. Good Lord. Such a scenario makes me ball my fist and glad I won’t have to make a caretaker decision for x amount of time.

    I don’t care about who a parent wants to change their diapers. In fact, I probably would mind my business about that one. But I seriously want to know why the daycare would have a staff member who clearly doesn’t understand the needs of an infant.

  5. jamie says:

    maybe you should start looking now for another place. the spanking comment is serious, I believe, as do you, that she meant it and no doubt does spank the infant. the comment of “She said she was sure Gabby wasn’t really intending to spank the five month old baby…..” is troubling to me also, kinda shows that the lead teacher wasn’t taking a serious situation seriuosly enough. you just don’t say stuff like that. and when did spanking and causing a child more pain stop them from crying? what’s next, shaking, pinching?

    you were right to say something.
    be careful about this and keep an eye on this woman and trust your gut and immediately find another care giver if anything ever seems wrong to you.

  6. krissy says:

    I have issues with a few things when I read this. But let me 1st say I’ve never had any conflicts at daycare. They are awesome and I trust them with my child completely. Also I would have told the person in charge that ol girl said she was gonna spank HER baby and by no means should she ever handle my child as well.

    Now my issues come in with you to be honest. Why are you questioning her about what she’s doing with her own child? Its not your business. Why are u asking why someone else is changing HER child? Why is that your business? If I were her I wouldn’t ebtertain you in conversation either because its obvious you’re juding her. And that’s cool, do you but her saying she’s gonna spank her baby or her not changing her baby don’t concern you or your child specially since she doesn’t work in the room with your baby. She must be doing an alright job there because she’s employed. I don’t like messy stuff. I’m not ever gonna question another parent on the way they raise their children. I may think some thing but I’m not saying anything.

    I wouldn’t care if she owned the mf daycare, if she is talking about spanking a FIVE MONTH OLD I’m questioning it! And I don’t know about you, but I need my child’s care provider to be doing a little better than an “alright job”. I expect excellence.

    • Once I’ve enrolled my kid in a daycare, I have the right to question whatever I see an employee doing when it comes to a child who is enrolled in the same daycare. I don’t care if it’s her baby or not.

      While I’ll agree with you on whoever changes the kid’s diaper is the mother’s business, I definitely disagree with you that Babs is questioning how a mother is raising her child.

    • krissy says:

      You choose this place for your child. My childs caregivers are excellent. She thrives there so I can’t complain. You did the right thing by voicing your concerns to the head teacher about the spanking comment, I would have done the same thing. But questionging that woman directly about her handling of her own child is somehing I would not have done. It wouldn’t concern me. That’s my point. This woman isn’t caring for your child or at least she shouldn’t be so again what she says and does with her child should not be anyones business. Like others have said, if it bothers u deeply then you should find another place for your child to go. The people taking care of my daughter I’ve known since I was 5. They weren’t strangers to me and they’ve taken care of my nieces and nephews in the past. I trusted them before I ever had a baby.

      Right. She shouldn’t be caring for my child, but she is always in the infant room. So if she is in the infant room I am questioning everything she does. I have the right to question everything that goes on in there.

      • krissy says:

        Even why she isn’t changing her baby? You have a right to question that too? I think that’s a part that bothered me the most. Like yea question that spanking your baby stuff because i’d be damned if she laid a had on my baby for crying but asking why she isn’t changing her own baby, that didn’t have to be asked. I saw when u posed the question the other day that some women said they’d expect the caregivers to change the diapers. Didn’t seem like she was doing anything wrong to be questioned about in that instance. I just gathered that since you already feel like she is someone you don’t like that you’re gonna f*ck with her about everything you’d turn your nose up about.

        I didn’t quiz her like she was in trouble. I was confused as to why she was there, chilling and popping her gum. I looked around the room and realized her child wasn’t anywhere near her and when I realized he was getting changed I casually asked why T was doing it because it just didn’t make sense that she would have somoene else wipe her son’s ass while she just sat there.
        Oh, but you are right. I am going to continue to watch her like a hawk and if she does one thing wrong that I think affects my child, I am going to be all over her (or rather in her manager’s office).

      • Krissy says:

        Watching her is something i’d do as well but like I stated, if its not affecting my child then its not my business.

  7. Petite Pearl says:

    This is the last thing I need to read today. This is my first day back at work and my son started daycare this week too. I knew it would be hard but….

    Awwwww…I’m sure you have him in a nice place. You just need to speak up when you see something you don’t like.

  8. sherri says:

    Awwww…. who cares. It’s an interesting blog topic.

    Moving on.
    My issue would be that a parent is spending that much time in the room where they don’t work. That would be my issue with any parent. Parents should not be working in the same room as their kids. I need you to be available for my baby, not parenting your own. So if you’re hanging out on break, hang out as a parent and not as an employee.

    OK. That’s my two cents. Employees hanging out in the baby rooms/class rooms just looks unprofessional.

    As for spanking, I don’t think employees are allowed to discipline the kids like that — baby or toddler room.

  9. onefromphilly says:

    You did the right thing. Damn what anybody tells you, you do what YOU think is right when it comes to your child.
    I wish a MF would tell me what I should and shouldn’t say where my flesh and blood is concerned! HMPH!!!!!!!

  10. ames says:

    I might have asked her if she was serious about beating her infant. I probably would not have told her employers.

    How do you handle conflict when it comes to your child’s care?

    I avoid minor conflict. I consider minor to be things that do not impact safety or well being. I would not risk upsetting the stranger that my kid will be alone with. If I was concerned someone might beat or neglect my kids I would not do anything, the person would not see me again.

    I wonder if she doesn’t pick her own child up, out of consideration for the parents who have to leave their child. If my kid was in the 2 year old class, I’d wonder how useful the aide is, if she gets to the infant room to change and soothe her baby. I let a nanny go because she brought her child to work for 2 days. I was paying her to watch my kid, not her own. I don’t care if she was able to watch 2 at once, that wasn’t what I was paying for.

    I don’t change my kids diapers when the nanny is here. Nor do I make their lunch. I’m working and that’s what I am paying her to do.

  11. kim says:

    Interesting topic. However, my rule of thumb is if I am concerned about where my child is, the child doesn’t need to be there.There seems to be a lack of hard fast rules there.I would look for another daycare. She probably doesn’t like you, as if you care. The lead teacher knows not to leave her in her care, but she could have been pacifing you. I would find another daycare.

  12. dmac says:

    I tread lightly when it comes to my children and leaving them in the care of strangers. I can come across as a little snooty (voice, inflection, facial expressions, etc.) and I’ve learned not to speak my first mind. Now as an example of the aforementioned snootiness…. in my experience (and I’m in the south) the owners/directors of the daycare are more receptive when a parent voices a concern. Most of the time, the classroom teachers will take it as a personal reproach instead of realizing that the parent just wants the best for her babe. Could be education, upbringing, or just that “little ghetto” that you mentioned.

    • dmac says:

      ok, i had to log back in to say this. Today AFTER I said I tread lightly, I wanted to stomp the ever lovin sIIIt out of my 10 year-old’s after care teacher. Even allowing for ghetto azz memphis attitudes, this trick was way out of line. So call me if you need somebody to ride or die to Foxy’s daycare – I got you!

  13. CC says:

    Many people have intuition about certain situations and they second guess themselves. Then AFTER some shiggety goes down, people wanna talk about, “something just didn’t seem quite right.”

    You did the right thing by mentioning the actions of the worker. First of all, rocking a baby bouncer with your foot when your hands are free sreams laziness and disinterest. Not professional, at all. Second, who in their right mind would tell an infant to hush or they will be spanked? If any of you heard this woman say this to an infant, then saw her face spralwed across the news because she shook her baby to death, would y’all be surprised? You shouldn’t be. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

    Everybody who has a baby isn’t parent material.

    • ames says:

      But….Babs said she didn’t really think the woman was going to spank the child.

      This seems to be about not liking the ‘ghetto’ woman, her parenting choices and her being in the infant room.

    • keyalus says:

      We have a Fisher Price baby bouncer and I believe it is designed to be rocked with your foot or your hands if you want to sit on the floor. I’m not lazy or disinterested in my son…just sayin!

  14. Pserendipity says:

    Funny after reading the comments how it went from a spanking to a beating to a damn near shaking.

    When I would pick up Aidan from daycare and he needed changing, they would do it. That’s why they’re paid. As a matter of fact, two of his providers wouldn’t dare have LET me do it. Plenty of times, I’ve stood there while they got Aidan ready to go. So, the fact that she was standing there while the people she paid to change the baby were changing the baby? Wasn’t even your issue. Just wasn’t what you would’ve done.

    Her rocking the thing with her foot? And? I didn’t pick Aidan up every time he cried or everytime I had the opportunity because I didn’t want him held every single time he made a noise and my hands were free. Eventually, he learned to sit there in his bouncer and let it do what it do. There were plenty of times I’d be sitting there reading or watching TV or doing something else while I rocked the bouncer with my foot. Cross me out as parent of the year, I guess.

    You said yourself that you didn’t think she was going to spank the baby, you were just mad that she was sitting there letting him cry. So, your issue wasn’t really that you think she’s a threat at all. Your issue is that she doesn’t behave how you would behave, or how you think she should. You thought she should have picked him and and soothed him, but she just let him cry. You ratted her out because of that, not because you thought her baby was in any danger.

    Now, all of a sudden there’s a fear that she’ll spank all of the kids when you never really thought she’d even spank her own? Aside from making a stupid comment to which no one thought she’d follow through with, she hasn’t done anything dangerous but not act according to your standards of childrearing. You just don’t like her. And vice versa. Next time, just don’t bake her any cookies and keep it moving.

    Let’s be clear, I ratter her out because she threatened to spank a five month old. Regardless of whether I thought she would or not, she shouldn’t be saying that at her place of business which happens to be a daycare. I have no doubt in my mind that she will soon be spanking that little boy. I also have no doubt that a couple of years from now, if Foxy were to be in her class and was misbehaving, she might threaten her in some manner. And that is not an option.

  15. Honest says:

    I would have a problem with a parent who is also a teacher speak about spanking their infant. A parent or teacher must respect the school’s philosophy. Why bother attending otherwise.

  16. Krissy says:

    All I know is, Pserendipity always says the stuff I THOUGHT I was typing except she does it much better. I think I need to go to law school! Lol. Or stop typing stuff until I sit and think it all out and not just as fast as my thumbs( I blog from my phone) can produce the words.

  17. missmajestic says:

    I haven’t read all the comments but the problem seems to be her whole philosophy on child rearing as indicated by the spanking comment. I believe that working with children and caring for your own child are two different things…people who work with kids professionally may be horrible parents but we are just talking about basic care and attention here. How do you spank a 5 month old…I betcha two bits she’d never make that comment in front of her pediatrician.

    See, you probably already know you won’t *like* each and every teacher that Foxy will have. But if the person is professional and doing their job, you can at least respect that. As a professional (and I use that term lightly-they are paying for a service) they should know how they have to deal with different personalities and it not impact how they care for a child. What if you didn’t know that was her son and thought you were talking to any baby like that?

    how old would you say Gabby is? just curious.

    As far as the diaper changing, I used to work in a daycare and occasionally parents would change diapers but it always felt awkward to me because I felt I should be doing it, as an employee. Seems to me they might need a stricter policy about what she does and where she goes as a parent and employee. You can hang out in the room and threaten to spank but you can’t change a diaper? sounds dumb.

  18. Fresh says:

    Man do you know how many times I picked up the little one and waited until they changed the diaper or cleaned them up?!? As far as I’m concerned, with the price of daycare, I’m making sure every penny gets spent. They better change diapers and smothered their bottoms in Vaseline, Vitamin E, Destin,whatever. I’ll be damn if I drive home with some stinky butt pampers smelling up the truck! But on the flipside, the daycare so was well run, they wouldn’t let parents do something if they were around anyway.

    And while I’m not a big fan of picking the child up everytime a peep comes out their mouth (you’ll regret it later), I would not let anyone talk about giving a baby a spanking. You did the right thing telling the director. Now I would keep one eye out on Gabby and the other eye on other daycares.

  19. Deljah says:

    I can only recall one issue at my daughter’s daycare. One of the teachers got way too attached to my child. Saying my child looked like she was her daughter, could pass for her little girl, that my daughter cried at the end of the day b/c she didn’t want to leave her (and go home with us). She shortened my daughter’s name, when we did not. I can’t remember all the comments, but they were enough to bother my husband and I when we heard them on separate occasions. You want the workers to “love” your child, but we thought she took it too far. We mentioned it to the director/owner, and the worker toned it down.

    I would’ve at least that spanking comment as a segue to inquiring again about discipline policies.

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