Whatever it Takes

I was watching television with my dad the last time he was in town and we came across one of those police reality shows.  It might have been Police Women in the ‘nati or something like that.  In one segment, they were busting women for turning tricks in a local park.  They pulled the woman out of the car and she immediately started crying and giving a story about how she had lost her job and needed to get money for her kids.

While my dad snorted in disgust, I felt sorry for her.  As a mother, I totally get doing “whatever it takes” to support your children.  There is nothing I wouldn’t do to provide for Regan.  Nothing.  If I lost my job at the plantation tomorrow, my resume would be circulating by the afternoon.  And if I didn’t get a job immediately, you would surely find me hustling hash browns at the nearest waffle house to earn a few dollars.  Again, whatever it takes.

I don’t know why so many men don’t have the same attitude.  Perhaps because they don’t spend 40 weeks gestating and developing life.  But as a parent, you would think they would still be motivated to provide for their children.  How can a man knowingly have a child walking around with his DNA, and refuse to take care of them?  How does he sleep at night?  How does he look at himself in the mirror?

So many men blame their lack of support on their relationship with the women.  But the truth is that regardless of what is going on between the parents, the child still needs to eat.  The child still needs clothes, medical care, daycare, formula, etc.  The child still likes toys.  The child still wants to participate in activities.  The child’s needs never end.  In fact, they only become greater as they get older.

You’ve got some men walking around here pushing 300 pounds, clearly not missing a meal.  Yet, they seem to have no concern about how their child is getting food on the table.  New shoes for daddy?  Sure!  New shoes for daughter?  Never.

Shameful.

I guess they don’t have to worry about how their children will get by, because they know the woman is always going to do whatever it takes to provide.

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22 Responses to Whatever it Takes

  1. CreolePeach says:

    My sister and I just had this same conversation yesterday while discussing things she’s experiencing through her divorce. It leaves me speechless.

  2. jamie says:

    To answer your question- “How can a man ………….”?
    Simply stated: a MAN can’t, doesn’t, and won’t!

    • CC says:

      What Jamie said. A MAN will protect and provide for his own. All others are just pea-brained jackasses whom (unfortunately) are extremely fertile.

  3. Dee says:

    “shameful” it is…

  4. Krissy says:

    This is very real and just not what I need on my mind at 6am lol. In all seriousness, you already know I’m dealing with the same issue and I don’t get it myself. I’m sure I never will but the burdon of a childs care is on our shoulders as single mothers and we do a damn awesome job. I randomly got commended on my mothering at least 3 times last week and it made my heart smile.

  5. Kita says:

    Very good topic. I agree and so many men do it that its a shame. I even have a friend who’s childs father only takes care of his son when he wants to show off to a girl or let his mom know that he pretends to take care of his child. No child support to the mom, no calls even on the childs birthday. The only reason she lets her son go to him is because the son begs to see dad and she does not have the heart to tell him no.

  6. Ms. Smart says:

    Men can ignore the needs of the child because they never wanted the child in the first place. So on some level, they don’t feel all that responsible for said child.

    • akima says:

      Unfortunately, I’ve seen this even with men (and by men, I mean two dudes) that seemed to be good fathers and husbands for YEARS. I know one guy that was an extremely good dad for the first 12 years of his daughter’s life but when the relationship with his wife/her mother imploded, he completely walked away from his daughter. She was 12 at the time; she’s now 20 and they may talk twice a year.

    • Clu says:

      That’s the way my Father felt. In his little pea brain the fact that he claimed us by “giving” us our last name and making himself available was sufficient…especially since he didn’t really want kids.

      • CC says:

        Men who don’t want kids need to A) Stop having sex! or B) get a vasectomy. Dumb ass men get on my nerves. I swear.

  7. Quiana says:

    Well said!! Even if I were childless, if I lost my job I would work at a fast food place to pay the bills!! I can’t believe the attitude of some men regarding supporting their children, especially when they were there in the beginning!!!

  8. akima says:

    This is so trifling. The only difference that I can tell is how they’re raised. I blame deadbeat’s parents, in every situation. Either they don’t know that they shouldn’t behave that way or they’re spoiled and only want to do what’s comfortable for them.

    • S23 says:

      I don’t even think we can blame “this” on their upbringing b/c some dudes/girls have great family backgrounds and upbringing and still chose to do the wrong thing. ~shrugs~

  9. naturallyk says:

    This is always so disappointing. I don’t understand it. I’ve experienced it first hand from my father. I think it has a lot to do with our culture/society. If women didn’t allow it. It wouldn’t happen. That is ALL women, not just the child’s mother but the man’s mother, sister, cousin, friends, boss, whoever. If we shunned this man until he did right by his child, this wouldn’t happen. I have an aunt right now that is allowing her son to do this to his children while he lives under her roof. I’m disgusted by it and I won’t speak to him.

  10. Mick says:

    Sorry Babs. I’ll keep you and little mama in my prayers.

    Yeah. He’s bitchassed. It doesn’t matter if he hates your guts, he should handle his business where his DAUGHTER is concerned. No excuse.

  11. sherri says:

    I blame women for this.
    If women would lock it down and ice out ANY man that didn’t do right by his children, his ex, his whatever… men would get it together in a quickness. Instead, men know that they are able to find another women to believe a) she was crazy b) she wants too much money c) they are just behind a little d) the child is not mine or e) some other flavor of nonsense. Call me crazy, but I hear way too many people disparaging their dude’s ex… She wants him back, she is money hungry, she didn’t understand him, she just wants more child support, she is mad because he is with me…. blah blah blah.

    And the same goes for mothers. If I hear one more mother out making excuses for her triffling son…. She just wants money, he couldn’t afford a DNA test back then, she won’t let him see the kids…. Double Blah blah blah

    • ames says:

      I agree. Mothers, sisters, aunts, girlfriends, wives, women friends, allow and enable men to do this.

      I do not allow any xy chrom to tell me why his child’s mother or ex, is *insert negativity*. We really have to stop excusing the madness. In my dating days when a man with kids would try to invite me out I would tell him I was familiar with child support and he needed to feed those kids, not me.

  12. SoniaB says:

    I ask myself these questions everyday

  13. naturallyk says:

    On Friday, my friend’s BD who hasn’t seen his 4 y/o child in 3 years sent her an email apology for being so trifling. Question is, what is he going to do next? She overheard her daughter telling her classmates that she didn’t have a daddy. So sad….

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