Same Old B


One of the major motivations for me to do the big chop now as opposed to later, is the fact that I am currently not dating.  Not knowing how my hair would turn out, I knew that the opposite sex might not find my new look all that fetching.  I figured if men didn’t like it, it was no big deal because I’m not interested in those scallywags anyway.

The day after my big chop I was loading some stuff into the trunk of my car in a parking lot and this dude rolled up on me.  “Heh heh, I’ve still got it,” I thought to myself.  Then dude kept talking and I immediately thought, “crap, this is the kinda dude I’m attracting now.”

Okay, that may have been an isolated situation, but I have certainly noticed a difference in the way men react to my new do.  Men that I normally catch giving me the once over now stop when they get to the top.  Some of them even look confused, like they can’t figure out why the cute girl with the big booty now has an afro.

I stopped by to see the Intern the other day.  I asked him if he liked my hair.  He said no, but that he likes chickenheads girls with long hair and I knew that.  He was right, I did know that and wasn’t at all surprised that he didn’t like it.  When he questioned whether I had juices and berries in my hair and wanted to touch it, I could only laugh.  I assured him that my hair would eventually grow and he would once again be infatuated with me.

Intern is by no means my standard of man (love you Intern!), but I do think that a lot of men think the same way he does.  Men have long been bamboozled by rap videos and typically think that a woman has to have long hair to be fine.  I promise you, I notice a difference in men checking me out.  It’s kinda weird and kinda annoying.  I’m still that same me from the neck down!

For those of you that have gone from relaxed to natural, did you notice a change in men’s reaction to your new look?  Did you find that you attracted different types of men?  Has being natural affected your dating life at all?


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18 Responses to Same Old B

  1. Shea says:

    I went natural in ’96 and back then it was big deal. I used to attract all the “conscious” brothers, the five percenter types. Now it’s different, but I think that has more to do with the times and not my hair. I’ve never had any problems snagging a guy. Those that don’t like the “look” of natural hair aren’t the ones I’d go after anyway. You’d be surprised how your hair can weed out all the undesirables. I always considered that a plus.

  2. Serenity23 says:

    Hmmm I believe that MEN and other onlookers take their cues about how to react to your hair based on your personal confidence. If you feel unsure about yourself and your hair, then that’s what you give off. When you feel like “I like it so fugg em” then people like it too. There will always be preferences either way. Heck I prefer a bald head man vs one with hair. However, if one with hair looked nice, I’d be talking and smiling. I went natural and people that I have previously datedf are still checking for me now. Apparently, my hair is the last thing on their minds. I don’t think my dating life increased or decreased due to going natural. I can say that my hair starts a lot of conversations from the opposite sex. At some point you have to realize that you define beauty for yourself and you don’t allow anyone else’s opinion to have that much weight in your life.

  3. BK says:

    I’ve had men comment positively & negatively on my hair since 1994!!! and I’ve been boy cut short to shoulder length!! you can’t take it personal.. it is what it is.. men have preferences just as women have preferences. be confident in your choice and no matter what anyone says or does, you will attract the right one for you. natural or relaxed..

  4. K.unwrapped says:

    This hair stuff is a trip. I notice the difference in male attention from when my hair is flatironed vs in a puff like it is today. Definitely different types of guys and less ‘double takes.’ But then there’s a natural hair/conscious crowd in Philly so when I go to certain events w/ flatironed hair I don’t get a 2nd look but when my hair is natural it’s the total opposite. Hair shouldn’t be that deep imo but it’s whatever.

  5. naturallyk says:

    When I went natural I had a boyfriend and he supported it. He was so sweet he even went with me to get my BC. I have noticed that men compliment me on my hair a lot. Men never complimented my hair before.

  6. I did a youtube video (haven’t posted it yet) about this after my friend asked me if men like my hair. I hear natural hair women say they have noticed a decrease in the amount of male attention but that has not been my story. It’s about the same. I do get a different reaction from men. They like to ask questions about my hair like how do I get it so curly. I’ve been told by men that my hair stands out and that’s what makes me stand out from other women. I think it’s all about how confident you are rocking your natural hair. Men and others can sense if your confidence. Yes I do attract different types of men now like men from other races. I told the story on twitter how a white man (well actually he told me he’s Mexican and white) came up to me in the airport and told me how beautiful my hair was and how much he loves the natural look on women. I also get compliments from dudes rocking dreads when normally I didn’t. Being naturally has not affected my dating life at all.

    Since being naturally, I can only think of one man I know or have went out on a date with that didn’t really like my natural hair. He told me numerous times that he thought it was cute and looked good on me but he just preferred women with straight hair and kept asking me when I was going to get a perm. lol That’s his preference and I wasn’t mad. A man that is too worried about whether I have a perm or not is not for me anyway. It’s my hair and I will do with it as I please.

  7. Mrs. AKAtude says:

    Although I’ve been natural for a number of years, I was a regular every two weeks at the salon, flat iron Queen! My husband proposed initally when I wore a braid-out, it was my first time wearing my natural hair in a curly style around him. His proposal caught me off guard too and I didn’t take it seriously since we were in a BBQ restaurant, getting ready to go to a college basketball game and he had no ring LOL. He actually encouraged me to wear my natural hair in curly styles, which I’ve only been doing for the last 2 years. Every now and then, he’ll say he likes my hair straight, but I tell him I like a man with hair (he’s bald) LOL! My only regret is I not doing it sooner and especially for my wedding. My hair stylist didn’t believe I was really going to keep wearing the curly styles, especially since I was a regular, but he compliments me on my hair everytime he sees me. I actually had women that spoke negatively about my hair, namely my sister, who is now natural and asking me to twist her hair, and one of my really good girlfriends who now calls me to find out what she needs to use for her daughter’s hair.

  8. dmcmillian72 says:

    Hey, All. I’m currently in the same boat as Mrs. AKAtude was in… I’ve been natural for a year but have been a weekly regular at my stylist getting a blow out. Men seem to LOVE my hair. Hell, I LURVE my hair blown out! Anyway…

    I don’t have any relaxed hair left but the truth is I’m afraid to wear my hair in its natural state. But these doggone Hell-like summers in Central Alabama just won’t let my blow outs stay great! #Grrrrr =( Sooooo… I’m seriously thinking of wearing my hair in its natural state when I go to Memphis at the end of the month. I’m still scared but I do like how curly my hair turned out to be. I just wish it didn’t draw up so much after being washed. I look like a little boy with earrings, boobs, and a butt! LOL!

    But… I’m not the Chick who gets a whole lot of attention anyway. Well, none that I notice. I guess I’ll see if that changes if I keep thte courage to wear my hair un-blown in Memphis. Yall wish me luck!

  9. innerdiva says:

    My husband (then boyfriend) totally supported my decision to go natural…but he was the pro black, Rastafari, Mama Africa type. With locs, I noticed that I would attract a lot of Mexicans–I have no idea why. Black men who would approach me would be on some “Empress,” type stuff, assuming I was a Rasta. Now that I’ve done a big chop myself, I get attention for my figure and my face. Some man called me “slim and trim” yesterday…I just ran my hand (with the wedding ring) over my TWA and smiled.

  10. onefromphilly says:

    When I first locked I was still married. ANd my EX hated it!!! he almost got his block knocked off when he told me to ” just cut that mess off your head”. My locs were never really short because I wore braids and a 2strand twist for a while. Lets face it….MEN LIKE HAIR! Some like it long, others like it short. Men are even starting to admit that they don’t mind if a woman has a weave.

    I have noticed that when my locs are nice and bouncy I get alot more attention on the street. I was running across the street last week and some guy turned around from the direction he was going and crossed with me. He said he wanted to make sure I got across in time. He was following the bouncing locs! HA!! 🙂

  11. Clu says:

    You would think I gained 500 pounds and my skin turned purple! When I had my short short locks (which I thought was adorable btw) my male “friends” would go out of there way to tell me they didn’t like my hair. I did not ask for your unsolictied opnion! I did start attracting a different type of guy. I was never called “Empress” when I had a relaxer 🙂

    It’s crazy how those opinions changed as my hair grew. Now that my hair is almost BSL I don’t hear anything about my hair from men…positive or negative…don’t know what that means…

  12. nineteen69 says:

    Just chiming in to say that now you can hit the gym, swim, jog or walk outside and not worry about sweating out a perm. There are a whole lot of men that will appreciate the woman with a “let’s go” attitude when it comes to doing things like that. (I think it looks great)

  13. Stephanie says:

    I was natural from 2001-2003. I went to the barber shop one day, sat in the chair, and told my barber to cut it all off. I wore a fade for about 6months then let it grow out then went back to a fade before growing it out again. I loved it, my then boyfriend liked it, girls hated it, some dudes thought it was really nice, and other dudes didn’t like it at all. The guys who complimented me were either about 10 years older, “natural” type guys, and guys from up north. The guys who didn’t like it were into a different type of girl anyway. I received more compliments on my fade than on my fro, and I started to get more compliments on my face instead of my hair. I put a relaxer in it because, at that time, there was minimal info on natural haircare, and I got tired of having to wash my hair in order to comb it.

  14. Dee says:

    Your hair looks great.

  15. Nerd Girl says:

    My husband likes long hair – period. He didn’t care that I went natural, he just didn’t want me to have short hair. The longer my locs get, the more he compliments them.

    I’ve had more men tell me they like my hair since I’ve been locked than I ever did when I had a perm. I guess they comment because it’s different?

  16. jamie says:

    you are FETCHING, really and truly fetching.
    I have always been a sucker for the natural look, long hair is okay too, don’t get me wrong, dreads are okay, fades, locks, short short cut down to the scalp, etc are good as well because I don’t base my reletionships on hair. well maybe if it’s a cobalt blue and maroon weave then I’d balk.

  17. Theorist says:

    the major difference i noticed in was that every “deep brother” suddenly thought they had a chance so long as they started their intro with something like “hey sister” or “my queen”

    *le sigh*

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