Teenage Dream

As most of you know, I have a younger half-sister with whom I was not in contact with for more than a decade.  Since we have been reunited, we have become close and I have enjoyed watching her blossom into a young lady.  She is kind and sweet and…a 15 year-old girl with RAGING hormones.

Her parents (my dad and stepmom) will proudly tell you they have great relationship with her and the lines of communication are open, but I know otherwise.  They may have talked about the birds and the bees, but I don’t think they’ve really gone into detail about the snakes and the rats.

The last time she was here I tried to start a candid dialogue with her about sex.  She told me straight up she probably wouldn’t be waiting for marriage.  I told her all about my experience as a teenager.  I tried to warn her about the sweet talk she was sure to be given.  I talked to her about birth control.  She assured me she knew all she needed to know about those topics.  I knew that would be the first of many conversation.

Last week, I was listening to a local radio program that was talking about teens and sex.  Young girls were calling in and telling their stories and it scared me.  These girl’s today have so much to deal with.  I can promise you, I knew nothing about or.al sex when I was 15 years old.  I can’t even imagine that girls are doing it for sport.

I called my sister and insisted she call me back as soon as school let out so we could have a sex talk.  When she called me back I asked her to tell me what she knew about STDs.  She gave the standard response about “bodily fluids.”  I then went on a mini-rant about or.al sex and STDs.  I was shocked when she admitted to me that she didn’t know you could catch an STD from or.al sex.  And I was even more shocked when she admitted she didn’t know there were STDs that couldn’t be cured.  What the hell are her parents teaching her?

Little Sister has a new boyfriend.  I use that term loosely because she isn’t actually allowed to go on dates.  She is going to her first dance this weekend and is super excited.  I don’t want to seem like a wet blanket, but I feel like we need to have a couple more real sex talks before she puts on her high-heeled shoes and steps out with this boy.

So, what topics do you think are important for me to discuss with her?  Remember, she looks to me for advice so I have to be careful not to be too parental when dealing with her.  I want her to know that she can trust me and talk to me about anything.

But I will drop a dime on her ass if I think she is doing anything inappropriate.

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13 Responses to Teenage Dream

  1. cbean says:

    Stress the importance of her body being HERS!! She does not have to do anything she does not want to or does not feel comfortable with. Don’t be throwing her pearls to the swine. I am a realistic Christian. I know that teens are having sex and abstinence falls on death ears. However, I think if we teach the kids self esteem, how their body is a gift not a game, and the beauty of covenant, they will hear a different perspective. Only two years ago did I fully understand the spiritual aspect of covenant and how we “merge” with the person we have sex with. If I had known this, in the way it was presented, I would have given abstinence a chance. The biggest gripe with the whole just say no campaign was it never told them what they could do. We need to give teens positive alternatives, not just abstinence.

  2. She’s at a tremendous advantage by saying she wants to wait until marriage and having a father in the home. I was the same way. And even though I didn’t wait until marriage, I placed a high value on sex and made sure once it happened I was out of high school and my parents house and was with someone who I was in love with, loved me and I trusted. In addition, there is something to be said for having to come home each day and face your dad that makes you want to make sure you make the right decisions in the world from day to day. 😆

    I also had VERY good (and graphic) sex education classes in school that also reaffirmed that waiting was probably a good thing.

    In any case, just remind her that you can’t unring that bell once it’s rung. It’s an extremely life altering decision and you have your whole life to experience that world. Don’t fall victim to curiosity or peer pressure, your virginity is indeed a gift. My parents were probably a little unrealistic about drilling in our heads that we should wait, but it made a difference. If she has respect for herself and her body hopefully she’ll make the right choices. I

    • Whoops. Just re read how she prob wouldn’t be waiting for marriage. In any case, it’s still necessary to place a high value on sex. The worst thing is ws when adults take the “well kids will have sex anyway” attitude. While true, the more cavalier you are about sex the more they will be and just see it as “something to do.” Kids take cues from the people they look up to, so one should make sure they set the example.

  3. K says:

    My hope, with Iris, is to be as appropriately blunt as possible. To really tell her all the mistakes I made and how I got into those sticky situations and how they could’ve been prevented and how NONE OF THE BOYS were worth it. Not a one.

    I also really agree with cbean. Instilling a sense of identity and self-worth and self-respect about who and what she is as a young woman goes miles further than absitenance teachings.

    You are a good person for having these talks with her. Kudos to you.

  4. CC says:

    Some parents who talk with their kids about sex tell them the whole bit about waiting until marriage, but they don’t share the reality of the consequences of being sexually active. Once you have a baby as a teen, your life as a carefree teen is over. There is no experiencing life as a dependent-free young adult, getting your first apartment and truly living on your own. Teen and young adult years are for getting educated, experiencing life and figure out who you are.

    If you dodge the baby bullet, there is still so much going on; older guys who pray on teenage girls, guys having sex with girls AND other guys, guys running trains on girls or pimping her out. There are diseases that will stay with you forever: AIDS/HIV, herpes, HPV, warts, deadbeat babydaddy’s…and YES, deadbeat babydaddy’s are a disease! 🙂 Sexual acts are very intimate and shouldn’t be shared with just any old person. As a teen, don’t start a trend of giving yourself away to any guy who pays you attention. Some guys talk a good game, but there are others who are just flat out disrepectful and these teenage girls still give in to them. Also, she needs to hear from a male (her Dad) how these guys out here get down and what type of treatment she shouldn’t settle for.

  5. NaturallyK says:

    Its good that you are taking an interest and talking to her since her parents aren’t. Ask her why she wants to have sex. Discuss what she thinks will happen afterward. Discuss the consequences: STDs, unwanted pregnancy, emotional affects, reputation, etc. There are a lot of good topics an suggestions in Dr. Berman’s book: http://media.oprah.com/lberman/talking-to-kids-about-sex-handbook.pdf

  6. Roses Daughter says:

    Be blunt. Don’t sugar coat anything. Tell her any and everything you can think of. And remember to teach her about respect for her body and herself. That’s part of the problem with young girls today. No sense of self worth or self respect. Most just want someone ANYONE to love them. And teenage boys fit the bill.

  7. ames says:

    i am on team “don’t do it.” My mother and grandmothers told me, not to let men use my body up, not to be a foolish woman and that virginity is a treasure. I heeded their advice.

    I also would not trust the skill of a teen boy in putting a condom on. By the time they got the condom open and on, they’d probably be done from touching themselves and excitment. Is it realistic to believe teens are wearing condoms?

    I would ask how she envisioned her future with this boy or with a husband, and life after sex. I think (don’t know) that young people think in terms of now and if they consider the future they are able to wait on things. I would discuss that sex for women causes our spirit, energies, mind and body to be entangled with the partner. But men are different and once they release all that into our temple they are wired to move on with their lives.

  8. Sasha says:

    I suggest looking at the pdf file that NaturallyK posted. Please be real with her. Real as in, if a boy rubs his stuff on her down there without a condom she can get an STD, like HPV. Teenagers are not taught the dirty truth about sex and health education. I’m so glad you are talking to her though.

  9. Nerd Girl says:

    In light of the video that surfaced about that little girl who was…pleasuring her ex-boyfriend I would definitely talk to her about the possibility of being recorded and broadcast. I don’t know how to begin to warn a young lady about that – I don’t even know what to look for? Red lights? I just know when I heard that story I added that to my list of must-discuss topics when Lovegirl is older.

    Good luck!

  10. innerdiva says:

    Times have definitely changed since I was a teenager. I would tell her what I wish someone had told me–half of the people who say they’re doing it are lying, and it’s not as cool as they tell you it is.

    Stress to her the importance of self worth, that she is like a gift for the right time and person. That guys sometimes will tell you anything they think you want to hear to get that gift. Be the cool sister who knows what she’s talking about…straight up. Explain that herpes isn’t cute, babies keep you awake all night, and there are very real consequences to this stuff.

  11. jamie says:

    tell her there is a difference between having s.ex and being in love and that at 15 she’s not ready for the real emotional aspects and issues that come along with both. tell her the truth in a straight forward and direct manner.

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